Boobies.

My son, William, (weird that I have to specify now).. finds it hilarious now when I say the word "boobie."  He has been obsessed with boobies for a while now and will ask people to see their boobies and has no problems pointing out his own boobies to people.  Now that I am breast feeding Jackson, he gets to see a lot of mommy's boobies.  I explained to him that when Jackson is hungry, he gets "mommy milk" and it comes out of mommy's boobies.. he replies with, "out of your bOoObIeS?! *giggle giggle*"  Typical boy.

But seriously, on the boobie feeding note.. I have to admit that prior to having Will, breast feeding seemed kind of gross to me.  It seemed like only women who wanted to do things "naturally" and "organically" would breast feed.  It weirded me out that older infants would lift up their mom's shirts and want the boob.  I felt like by being an exclusive breast feeder that I would somehow raise a kid that was dependent on me for comfort and food.  Now, I knew the benefits of it, so once Will did come along, I tried it.  It didn't work.  The lactation consultants would say "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong."  What they failed to mention is that it hurts no matter what.  Your nipples have to harden to this little thing sucking on it for 20 minutes at a time, 10 times (if you're lucky) a day.  I immediately was stressed out at the fact that I, as the mother, couldn't do what I was created to do for my baby.  My milk wasn't coming in, and here I was, 2nd night at home, with an absolutely irate newborn who was friggin' hungry and I felt worthless.  Luckily, we had received formula samples in the hospital so we had a back up.  The next day was our return visit to the pediatrician and he had lost too much weight, so she told us what we did was right by giving the formula.  And, we had to supplement until his weight increased.  Fast forward to the point when I gave up on the boob and just pumped.  And pumped.. and I felt like all I did was pump.  That got old, and eventually Will was on an all formula diet. 

Formula is easier, in theory.  You mix it up, put it in a bottle, anyone can feed them, and supposedly it helps them sleep better.  Well, formula is expensive, bottles are annoying to wash, you always have to listen to the kid cry for a few minutes while you prepare it, and it definitely didn't help Will sleep better.  In fact, I think it made the reflux he had worse, which kept him awake.

With the impending arrival of Jackson, my anxiety towards breast feeding started up again and I just didn't want to have the same issues.  Luckily, I have friends who had great success with breast feeding and I knew I had support.  I also have lost some modesty and this time I would feed when he wanted and where he wanted.. before I would go upstairs so that I could nurse alone and not make anyone feel weird.. forget that this time. You wanna see him, well, you can see my Hooter Hider too.  I've learned that babies who breast feed don't have a schedule.. sometimes they want it after 2 hours, sometimes after just an hour.. you have to be ok with that.  I swear, my boobs are always out.  And that is fine and dandy with me.

We weighed Jackson tonight on our scale at home, so I know it isn't perfect, but it showed that he was over 9.5 lbs which means he has been eating ALOT.  :) They want them to be back at their birth weight by two weeks -- my overachiever has done it in less than time using  my own milk.  I'd like to pat myself on the back for that one.  Sure, it means that I spend a lot of time during the day and night nursing, and every time a cold chill passes through the room I cringe b/c my boobs are still sore, and he is pretty much attached to me at all times in case he gets hungry... but, my bond with him is also strengthening and I am enjoying the time he spends nursing.  I don't know how long it will last, but for right now, we are digging the breast feeding thing.  Go me. And Jackson.

And Will for being an awesome big brother.  "I love him" -Will to Jackson.  <3