Only a mother....

..could do what I have had to do.. so if you have a weak stomach or don't like hearing about poop, then just stop reading.

A week and a half ago, Will had a ginormous - I mean - GINORMOUS poop in his diaper that spilled out onto his leg and left a pile of poop in the high chair. That was just the beginning. All last week, daycare seemed to say that he had huge poops and often had to change his clothes because of them. We stopped feeding him solid foods thinking maybe they were upsetting his tummy. I called the doc and they went through their yes-no checklist for diarrhea and all they could tell me was that maybe it was a bug and to feed him fruits like bananas to harden up his poo. That didn't help. I took his temp - no fever. From what I know, usually viruses cause fevers.. soooo.. it wasn't making sense to me. He continued to have soggy poops all week and this weekend and one time it was soooo runny that it almost looked like pee. That's was it. I called the doc AGAIN. They went through their checklist AGAIN and came to the same conclusion but I added in that he has these little red bumps that looked like they were below the skin and she said that if I was really that concerned that I should come in the next morning.

Check. I was there. I am terrified nowadays that something will be wrong with him and I won't think anything of it and he'll die or something. A little crazy, I know. But you never know!!

So the doc who originally said he had eczema (which I knew it wasn't eczema) checked him over and said that it was probably a virus causing the poops and bumps.

Hooray for a waste of a copay. BUT they did give me a stool collection kit to make sure it wasn't anything more. For those of you who have not had to shovel poo from a soiled diaper - let me explain. They give you two vials that have some sort of liquid in them and it says "Fill Specimen to this Line." You undo the cap and there is literally a little scoop on the end.

There I was. Home alone. And I hear a poop. JACKPOT! Let's GO! I get some latex gloves that we sneakily stole from the hospital in anticipation for an event such as this and I got to scoopin'. I never knew how intent I could be on scooping poop. I soon realized that I wasn't getting enough and he had already pooped twice so he wasn't going to poop again tonight..

I call the doc AGAIN and the message went something like this, "um hi, so I got a poop collection kit there earlier and I don't think I am going to get enough poop out of him in order to bring it back tomorrow before I leave town, so can I take poop from his morning diaper or can I just collect it this weekend and bring it in on Monday?" and left the pertinent information.

Well apparently the poop has to be "fresh" within 48 hours of collection so I could take it from the morning diaper... Second fun time begins. I re-glove, and I dig through the bag of dirty diapers and find the one from this morning.. I scoop as much as I can and finally fill one of the vials.

And so, I patiently wait for his next poop so I can fill the next vial and take it to the doc.

That is love right there.. I will scoop poop for you, Will. So when I'm senile and need a good nursing home, you remember that.